One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
