Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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