Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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