i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
