What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
