I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
