I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
