Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
