I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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