So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
