All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I want to have your abortion
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
