four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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