Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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