did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
