Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
