I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
