Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
