Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
