I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
