dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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