eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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