maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
