we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
