He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
