I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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