Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
