If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
