And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
