I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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