You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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