hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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