If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
