Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
