The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
