Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
