Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
