Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
