The best revenge is premature balding
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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