If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All I want is dick and wine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
