i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
