ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
