Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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