My sheets look like a crime scene.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
