If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
