Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
They have beer where we have blood.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
