i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Enjoy the penises
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
