I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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