Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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