You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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