First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
