Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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