I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We talked him into tasing himself.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
