in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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