I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
