everyone is single if you try hard enough
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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