Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
