You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
