I wannas sexs uuuuu
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
